Marriage is the oldest institution on earth ordained by God himself. It is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. Marriage is a bond, not bondage and that is why one has to be very careful in the steps taking when finding a Godly spouse.

I will be glad if you can follow this steps and I believe they will help you in one way or the other to find the Godly spouse of your dream. God bless you real good.

* Work on making yourself the sort of person that a godly Christian would LIKE to marry. Be kind, reliable, courteous and attractive. Have your life disciplined and godly, in reasonably good order. Be full of love. What you are will determine what you will get. Don’t pretend to be what you are not or else you will also get a decisive person.* Have something interesting about you and work on it. You need to stand out from the crowd a little. Get interested in missions, help the poor, do something

Different that is still you. * Be godly yourself. Have a daily quiet time where you read the Bible and pray and start putting Scripture into practice in your life. Go to church regularly to worship God and switch off your "partner searching periscope" when you go there. In fact switch it off as often as you can. There is something very unattractive about people who are obviously looking for a partner. Godly people want a godly partner.

* Make a success of your career. It will cultivate good qualities in you such as forward thinking, planning, diligence, and hard work and it will increase your self-esteem so that you don't feel as devastated by being single. Men of nowadays want to marry an asset as a wife and not a liability. It will also increase your confidence and attractiveness. Godly Christians tend to like people who do their best. Jesus had an obvious soft spot for stewards who did their work diligently and well and makes them the heroes of many of his parables.

* Make a list of the qualities you really want in a partner and bring this list to God in prayer. Make it quite specific. Use it as a "filter" to prevent you going out with people that are completely wrong. I am not saying you should dictate selfishly to God. When you make the list remember the golden rule "do unto others as you would want them to do unto you". Would you want your future partner to be drawing up a list like yours? Would you have any chance of getting selected if they did? Is your list too unreal? Make sure that an "average person" - the sort you are likely to marry, is able to fulfil it.

* Take their weaknesses seriously. If a person is a Christian but has a problem with drugs or alcohol or promiscuity then be very careful. If they are constantly in financial trouble or always quitting their jobs or constantly falling into sin of fornication with other people while going out with you, you may be marrying misery. Things like eating disorders, very low self-esteem, high levels of hostility, and the need to control people can wreak havoc in a marriage. If they are believers then God is working in their lives and there is hope but some believers are not yet ready for responsibility. Some may be "barely believers" and not really committed to long-term change. I am not saying don't marry them, I am saying think very, very long and hard before you do. Give them time to grow and to prove themselves before you tie the knot. Please don’t ever marry a partner out of pity. Some people are sent by God to help you; it doesn’t mean they will be good spouse. Don’t ever say I marry him or her because he or she helped me, or because of his or her condition, the end result can be disastrous. Marriage is not a trial and error affair.

* Marry someone you can pray with. Couples that pray together stay together and that's a proven fact. Most Christian marriages that fail have one partner that avoids having daily devotionals together. Prayer really builds deep intimacy into a marriage.

* Learn to recognize predators. There are quite a number of people who hang around churches to pick up a "Christian partner" and who can fake being a Christian with considerable skill. They generally have no intention of being godly and little intention of marriage. They are generally after unprotected sex with someone innocent and free of disease. Sorry to be that blunt in a Christian Book but you need to know the truth. They are wolf in sheep clothing. Predators are often betrayed by their lack of true feeling for Christian things and their lack of insight into Scripture. Greed, not tithing, and minor ethical breaches are other good clues. Listen to God's promptings and your intuition. The Holy Spirit will scream "No" at you pretty early on. When God says "No" stop right then and there! Don’t be carry away by their gifts, talents or even money.

* Move steadily and wisely towards commitment and put aside undue suspicion, hostility and distrust of the opposite gender. As a rough rule of thumb people end up living up to your projections of their behaviour. If you distrust people and are sure they will not stay with you but are "just using you" then they will flee! No one will stay in a relationship with a person who distrusts him or her. However if you treat your partner well and trust, love, and enjoy them and delight in who they are and expect good things of them then they will enjoy your love so much that they will not think of doing anything else except marrying you!

Positive people tend to get positive results and negative people tend to get negative results - so deal with your fears.

* Don't be paranoid about members of the opposite sex. In conservative Christian circles there is almost an assumption that you only talk to members of the opposite sex that you are interested in marrying! That is so destructive! Build many ordinary good friendships and confuse your church thoroughly! It takes the pressure off any emerging relationships and also gives you a better understanding of women/men as the case may be.

* Get good Christian counselling if you have had traumatic experiences that may be hindering your ability to relate to members of the opposite sex. You can also contact us for further help. If you are sure your pastor is spirit filled you can go to him for guidance. I am sorry to use that word. Why I said this is that some men of God now counsel with what they know or feel should be and not according to how the spirit led. I have heard many cases like that which has really destroyed such a person who receive such counsel; may God help us. Amen

* If you really like someone and you are sure that he or she is a good Christian then go for him or her with prayer! Many singles spent a lot of time thinking "so and so is too good for me" and holding back and thus losing out. Being strong and courageous has many advantages and seems to get God's blessing. What of if it’s the sister that first like the brother? There is nothing bad if a lady first fall in a love with the man, but it is against some culture especially in the continent of Africa for a woman to first declare her love for the man or approach a man for marriage. Some men will think the lady is too cheap and by so doing she might lose her respect. I would rather advise the lady to go and see her pastor who by Gods wisdom will know how to handle such situation. If you find yourself in situation like that please check yourself if you are not been infatuated or just attracted by physical and material things you have seen.

* Many good Christian marriages have developed when a friend introduces two people together and they click. While some friends playing Cupid with your life can be a pain if you have a few really good friends that you trust ask them to keep a lookout for you and to pray for the right person to come along. The bible say ‘watch and pray’. Also try and be attending singles conference, seminars and godly social gathering. Those are places you can actually meet a Godly man of your dream.

* Your physical appearance matters a lot. It is generally believed that first impression last long, how you look might also affect the kind of people that will want to be close to you. You don’t need to have a thousand clothes and shoes before you look good. Keep yourself neat and tidy. Use nice cream that goes with your skin texture. Make good your hair. Eat good food; take nice drink (non alcoholic) and look healthy at all time. I am not saying you shouldn’t fast, but you shouldn’t look haggard all in the name of fasting.

* Keep company with Godly people. There is an old saying "show me your friend and I will tell you who you are". The scripture says, "Can two work together without been equal"? Let even say you are decent, as long as you surround yourself with ungodly friends you will also be like them.

1 Corinthians 15:33 read, "Do not be deceived, evil company corrupts good habits".

Ask God's blessing on your efforts and develop the ability to listen to Him. Never judge anyone with physical appearance or financial status. God has a long history of putting some first class romances together. Race, age should not be a barrier. A woman can marry a man younger than her when there is love and understanding, after all "Beauty is in the eyes of the behold". Let Him order your days and they will be pleasant. He really does care!

* Internet dating. New trends dating have appeared. Computer dating services now offer a sophisticated method of matching people based on questionnaires measuring compatibility. Without talking to or in some cases even seeing the other party, one can be matched with a list of possible candidates for a date. Is that a Godly way of finding a spouse? At first I was not against this idea and when I come across a Christian dating website online. Out of curiosity I joined to know what is happening there. I found out that some are really working out while some are not but even those site that are not Christian dating sites also have such success story which means that for the fact that one have heard of a success stories on Christian dating sites doesn’t mean that it’s a Godly way of finding a spouse. There are lots of success stories while also we have heard heart-breaking stories. I have met a lady who told me that most men she met on that Christian site were predators, liars, yet some were truthful. I am not personally in support of dating on the site because many are using it for fraudulent purposes and many have been deceived. Is like we Christians are now using worldly approach to solve Christian marital problems, which in my own opinion can’t really work.

I spoke to many youth from different countries on this issue but some insist on their own opinion that there is nothing bad in that while some says is out of it. I can’t impose my own opinion on others especially people in my youth network but I have to give advice as a youth leader and counsellor and making sure that Christian youth interest are protected. I pray the lord will minister to you all in this area. Amen. If you are one of them who believe that you are going to meet your spouse on the Internet; I wish you good luck. As a Christian counsellor on a Christian site, I will give you some rules governing Internet dating.

RULE GORVERNING INTERNET DATING

Take time to write a good profile, don’t exaggerate and be truthful. Never lie about your personality, location, sex, age, race and so on. No one will like to continue a relationship with a relationship built on lies.

When you are posting a picture, make sure is your own picture and not just a beautiful picture you pick on a site. Post more than one pictures and make sure they are recent. Reason for more than one picture is that at times some pictures don’t really show how we look; creating an online album will be fine.

Try to know the person to an extent before you release your personal e-mail address. Don’t give out your home or office address, office or home telephone number. You can only give your mobile when you are satisfied and you wanted to meet with the person. No matter what the story you might hear, don’t send money to your online partner. Please, don’t ever give out your bank account details or credit card number to someone you met on a dating site. There are lots of Internet fraudsters using that avenue to dupe people. BE WARNED.

Never propose or accept marriage without meeting the person one on one. Come to think of it, how can you propose or accept marriage proposal from the person you have not met. To me it looks crazy. What of if you later met the person and he or she is the opposite of what you want? Take time to meet and know the person very well as a friend before you start to talk about marriage.

When you finally agreed to meet, don’t allow him or her to visit you in your house and also don’t visit him or her at her residence. Don’t make appointment in a hotel room, guesthouse or any private place. Better still, meet at popular eatery, restaurant, beach and so on and let it be during the day and not night. Don’t dress too extravagantly that you won’t be able to maintain. Remember the first impression will go a long way and he or she will be expecting you to dress like that all the time. Don’t borrow a car to the venue, if you don’t have one let him or her knows.

No matter how much you feel for him or her after you have met don’t allow sex. This is very important. Some people can be so decisive. After they get what they want then they disappear. And of course that is fornication; such a person will never be a good partner. Have it at the back of your mind that most of the people you will meet on the Internet dating site will never work out. So don’t loose your integrity.

It is advisable to date someone closer to you, I think that will be more realistic. Some in Africa talking to date someone in Asia that is much unrealistic. When do you want to have casual meeting to see if you can get along? So wake up and go into a relationship that you know will be fruitful. But if you know you have the means and money to visit a woman casually regardless if she eventually turns you down, then I wish you best of luck. Most long distance relationship of the Internet never works. Even some you have been engaged to, when he or she travels out of the country to another place there is no assurance that you people can still get married again. I am not saying that you should not wait for your fiancée who travel abroad but I advise you pray over seriously, better still get married before he or she travels out. At least that will be a sort of commitment and it can still give you a hope. Wisdom profits those who have it.

I have minister to lots of people through these principles and they have gotten testimony. I pray that the lord will help you too to come out of singleness.

If you have any questions or you need counsel in any area please feel to mail me: Dave 

camchristiancentre@yahoo.ie

We will be glad to pray with you always. God bless you.